Emma Kaufmann


Author bio:  A Londoner born and bred, Emma moved to Baltimore, MD eleven years ago with her then new Irish husband. She has since had two daughters and written a book, Cocktails At Naptime – A Woefully Inadequate Guide to Early Motherhood and publishes her own blog, Mommy Has a Headache. She has also published a chick lit novel set in Vienna called Seductive Viennese Whirl

Interview with Emma

Describe yourself in five sentences?  I’m a teller of tall tales.  More than anything, I love to entertain.  I can resist anything, apart from temptation.  Cream cakes are my weakness.  I’m half British, half Austrian – an Austrish

Tell us about your writing/editing/publishing journey:  Well I started by writing erotic novels, but after a while I ran out of steam or erotic scenarios and so segued into chick lit. I then published Seductive Viennese Whirl and now Her Ten Year Itch. I also wrote a hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime with a woman in Aberdeen, Scotland who I have never met so it was an adventure in cyberspace.

People would be surprised to know that you…?  Speak German.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?  I do love to write but I also love to create art, some of which you can see at www.studioemmakaufmann.blogspot.com

What must a writer have at all times?  A packet of cigarettes and a purring cat at her side. Smoking is great for the creative process, but I have given up cigarettes so now it’s just tons of coffee. I am also allergic to cats – even though they are my favorite animal. I suppose I could get a hairless cat but that is really no fun.

Who or what inspires you?  I am usually inspired by overhearing conversations on the bus.

Where is your favorite place to write?  I like to write in the library surrounded by a gentle blur of noise that is not too distracting.

Do you have any guilty pleasures? If so, what are they?  Chocolate, cakes, wine and Desperate Housewives of New York City

Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten?  Hopefully retired on a Caribbean island. Preferably with servants serving me cocktails poolside.

Hard/paperback or eBooks? Why?  Well I think ebooks are great because they don’t waste paper so are more ecological in the long run. But on the other hand there is nothing like the smell of a book is there? There is something so seductive about going to a second hand bookshop and getting a whiff of old books. There is just something magical about it.

Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Ryan Gosling?  To be honest, I am odd that I don’t like any of them. I think Brad Pitt looks a bit like a monkey and Gosling is too squeaky clean, while George Clooney is too smooth. I prefer my men a bit more rough around the edges so it would have to be Sean Connery in the Bond films.

**Blurb of Her Ten Year Itch**

When boredom levels reach crisis point, OCD Scarlett unleashes her inner cougar and embarks on a smoking hot fling with a rugged Irish hunk called Connor who’s as dark and alluring as a pint of Guinness. However, while Connor is unexpectedly whisked off to a family crisis in Ireland, sparks fly when vulnerable Scarlett succumbs to the rough charms of young TV researcher Gavin. This climaxes with sex in a mock kitchen at Ikea and Scarlett loves every minute.

Meanwhile, her near-perfect husband Alistair is progressing from Do-It-Yourself to Do-It with their hot & passionate Chilean nanny Constanza.

Then Scarlett’s new lifestyle is catapulted out of control after a boozy night out when she gives a perfectly innocent kiss to lesbian supermodel Sachiko Fiorelli. This predictably is snapped by the blood-thirsty paparazzi and scandalous, almost uncontrollable gossip is splashed across all the papers.

And if life hasn’t got bad enough, it appears to be going free-fall when she attracts the highly unwanted attention of Curly the repellant shock jock, a radio personality who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. His stalking antics ultimately pull her into a wild adventure that will shake up her sedate life forever.

Chapter 1

Seduction Tips from Tanya

“So, Scarlett,” Tanya yelled, over the thud-thud of the music at Fork, one of the hippest and most deafening bistros in Soho. “Are you having an affair with Mr. Hemorrhoid yet?”

Snapping a breadstick in half, she threw me a withering glance.

For one wild, desperate moment, I was tempted to pretend I hadn’t heard the question, but one look at the way she was gnashing at her breadstick told me I’d worn her patience paper thin, and that I owed her an answer.

“Well, are you?” she said, spraying crumbs all over the sleeve of my jacket.

Tanya had been encouraging me to take the plunge with Mr. Hemorrhoid for ages, and I couldn’t help feeling, in some perverse way, that by failing to snag him, I’d somehow let her down. After all, she’d put so much effort into the project, offered so many tips on office seduction. Like advising me to ‘accidentally’ spill a glass of water down my shirt, the view of my bra apparently rendering me immediately irresistible to Mr. Hemorrhoid. She’d also demonstrated exactly how to suck on a pen while you were in a meeting, in a seductive yet screamingly sensual way, which, she claimed, would have any man eating out of your hand.

The reason Mr. Hemorrhoid was not responding to her master plan remained something of a mystery. Against my better nature, I’d followed her advice, sucking pens, soaking my shirt and engaging in other acts of total idiocy. And while I was pretty sure Mr. Hemorrhoid had been quite intrigued by my shenanigans—he’d stared at my wet chest with keen interest, for example—the net result was that he had not invited me to a hotel for a lunch hour’s worth of frantic sex. In fact, I’m ashamed to admit that not one licentious conversation has ever taken place between us. Go figure.

I brushed the crumbs slowly from my sleeve, stalling for time. Taking a sip of chilled Chablis, I tried to make light of the situation.

“It’s actually quite difficult to have an affair, when the object of your affections hasn’t even asked you out yet.”

Tanya rolled her big blue eyes. “How long is it since he’s been working at Zanorax? Eighteen months? This isn’t the nineteen fifties, you know. You can ask him out.”

I circled my finger round the rim of my glass. “I don’t know. I can’t get up the courage somehow. Besides, I’m beginning to think he’s got something that’s pretty rare these days.”

“What? You mean syphilis?” Tanya said, screwing up her face in concern.

“No, worse than that. Morals.”

Tanya tutted disapprovingly. She placed her hand reassuringly on my arm. “So you’re married. You have a kid. So what? You’re just suggesting a roll in the hay, not haring off to Vegas for an Elvis wedding. I think you need this. It’ll perk you up no end.” She leaned back in her chair, her expression suddenly stern. “Just ask him. And if you don’t, I’ll do it for you.”

**Buy Emma’s books:

Her Ten Year Itch

Seductive Viennese Whirl

Cocktails at Naptime

**Contact Emma at any of the links below:

Mommy Has A Headache

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