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Ellie Campbell

Million Dollar Question

May 5, 2015 1 Comment

MillionDollarQuestionCoverPic

“Million Dollar Question” by Ellie Campbell

Blurb: Just as a huge financial scandal throws New Yorker, Olivia Wheeler, from wealth and success to bankruptcy and shame, struggling impoverished single-mother Rosie Dixon wins an unexpected million pounds. Good luck? Bad luck? Who can tell? Both women have more in common than they realize.  While Olivia struggles to survive her humiliations, fleeing broke and homeless to London, shy unassuming Rosie discovers sudden riches arrive with their own mega-load of problems.

Can workaholic career-obsessed Olivia find a passion for something earthier and warmer than power and prestige? And can Rosie sift through envy and greed to discover true friends, true family and even true love?   Two strangers who’ve never met. Yet neither realises how each is affecting the other’s destiny or the places their paths touch and fates entwine.

How will they surmount the pitfalls and perils of outrageous fortune?

That is the million dollar question!

EXCERPT

PROLOGUE

The battered old transit had been on her tail since she left the office. Humming, the woman cut deftly in front of a rust-riddled Renault, screeched into a side street and watched the van fly past. Paranoid, maybe but she had a good reason for staying anonymous. Her eyes flicked to the briefcase on the back seat.

An extremely good reason.

Still she was more excited than nervous. Closing in on her target.

Even with its challenges this job fired her blood. She sang with the radio as she steered her elderly silver E-class Mercedes through the traffic. She adored its ‘birdseye’ maple trim, two-tone leather upholstery and quirky seatbelt that snaked round her body at the touch of a button. And being a bit shabby, it didn’t attract attention, which suited her perfectly.

Her boss asked once if she ever felt regret. She stole another peek at the innocuous-looking briefcase, so full of dangers and traps. No, being the messenger suited her fine.

The late spring sun pierced through the clouds, alloy wheels chewing up the miles as leafy North London avenues gave way to grimier streets. She spotted a boarded-up shop, a broken window in a litter-strewn yard.

Somewhere, close now, her unwary quarry was drying dishes or pegging out washing, never dreaming of the approaching tempest. She smiled. Like sex, the anticipation was frequently—

‘Go left on the roundabout,’ Ozzy ordered.

What reaction would she get? Shock? Tears? Prayers? Once a husband had burst through the door and furiously berated her for upsetting his wife.

Little did he suspect.

She began practising her patter as her eyes scanned house numbers. ‘Hi, my name’s Agent—’

Again Ozzy Osbourne interrupted. ‘You have reached your destination.’

CHAPTER 1

 

Rosie Dixon perched herself on the hard plastic chair, watching the drawing take shape. A line, followed by a squiggle. Snake maybe? Then what looked like a head of a person with ears on top. And was that a saddle on its back or—

‘Do you like it, Miss?’ Emily asked.

‘Oh yes, it’s good.’ Rosie smiled encouragement as the young girl plucked another crayon from the Tupperware box and worked earnestly, tongue curled stiffly against her cheek in concentration. ‘Extremely good. I love the bright colours you’ve chosen.’

Finished, Emily pointed at the purple object. ‘What do you think that is?’

‘Um. Let’s see.’ Rosie peered closer. It vaguely resembled a bear, although how that fitted in with the ‘My Family at Home’ project, heaven knew. She didn’t want to offend but… ‘What’s his name?’

‘Bruno.’

Ah yes. ‘Bruno the bear. Of course.’

‘Bear?’ The girl shook her two perfect bunches and wrinkled her tiny freckled nose. ‘It’s not a bear, Miss, it’s a chocolate Labrador. Mummy’s boyfriend has one. Durr…’

‘Well it’s lovely.’ Rosie stood up. ‘And I’m Rosie, remember?’

Not that Rosie didn’t appreciate being called Miss, she did. Made her feel like a teacher, although the rather less grand title of ‘Teaching Assistant’ suited her fine. She’d been working at Avondale Infants for eighteen months now, supporting primary-aged pupils in classes of thirty-plus without needing to fret about parents’ evenings, lesson plans and the mountains of paperwork expected of a real teacher. She loved the small children and the hours meant she could still collect her own two sons from junior school.

‘Miss?’ Max, angelic curls disguising an impish spirit, frowned at his latest creation. ‘Can you help me?’

‘Shove over then.’ She nudged him playfully, as she squeezed beside him. Who’d have ever thought that she, shy little Rosie, always too timid to raise her hand in class, would be making a difference, however small, in the world of education? Just showed that good could come from the direst of situations. Even if it had taken a broken heart and some other God-awful trials to get her here.

She tucked a lock of shoulder-length hair behind her ear and handed Max a glue stick.

All things considered she really was incredibly lucky.

 

$$$

 

Mid-morning, the kettle in the staffroom had boiled and Rosie’s fellow teaching assistant, Gemma, was handing round the custard creams. Also in her early thirties, Gemma was recently divorced and had a secret obsession with The X Factor’s Simon Cowell that Rosie was sworn, on pain of death, never to reveal.

‘Anyone got an astrophysics degree?’ Carol, teacher of Orange Class, leafed through a stack of forms, eyebrows furrowed. ‘Certainly need one to fill in all these bloody risk assessments. Talk about ’elf and safety!’

Rosie joined in the laughter as she dropped a teabag in a smiley face mug. She was about to ask her colleagues, flopped onto chairs for their short break, if they were all right for beverages when Pauline Dawkins, Admin Officer, sidled up, a giant birthday card tucked under one paisley-clad.

‘Barry’s fiftieth. Whip-round,’ she hissed, spy-like from the corner of her mouth, as if the sole male teacher might burst in and discover the dastardly plot. ‘Drinks and cake at four.’

Pauline took her charge of The Birthday Book extremely seriously. Rosie had suffered the same ordeal when she’d turned thirty-three in March.

‘Oh, I’d love to be there, but I’ve my sons to pick up.’ Dutifully she scribbled, ‘Have a great day, Barry!’ unable to conjure anything witty or mildly original.

The envelope under her nose was stuffed with pound coins and larger notes. Rosie opened her ancient leatherette handbag, pushed aside her soggy egg sandwich and peeked inside her purse.

A lonely fiver lay folded next to a single fifty pence piece.

Her heart sank. That cash had to last the next two days until her monthly salary reached her bank. The twins, being eleven, always needed money for this or that and Charlie’s cheque was late again.

But then again poor Barry had recently lost his wife. Fifty pence seemed so stingy and she’d never dare offer the five pound note and ask for change.

There was an uncomfortable beat. Rosie’s fingers froze. Nobody was paying attention but still damp pooled in her armpits and along her hairline, her insecurities running rampant under Pauline’s scrutiny.

Was she assessing the havoc a runaway husband could create? Maybe worse – thinking it no wonder he’d strayed? If Rosie had once felt young, pretty and loved, it had all vanished with the end of her marriage. She cursed herself for not finding something smarter to wear than the skanky black cords pilled from the washing machine and a faded cotton blouse (Selfridges Sale 70% off) which sagged where it used to cling. And she’d totally messed up her hair attempting to add subtle honey-gold streaks from a Superdrug box to her mousy-brown frizz and ended up with tiger stripes instead.

Blow it, she thought, and handed over the fiver with a flourish, smiling to silence the warning pang from her gut.

‘Ta ever so.’ Pauline stuffed the note in the envelope. ‘We want to buy him a special present. Poor devil’s all on his lonesome…’ She broke off, fiddling with the plastic ID badge dangling from her neck. ‘I didn’t mean…well, it’s different for you with those darling boys, never a dull minute in your house, I’m sure.’ Her eyes fired with matchmaking zeal. ‘Now there’s a thought. Don’t suppose you and Barry…?’

‘No. Really.’ Rosie tried looking appreciative instead of appalled. Bearded bespectacled Barry was even more tortuously shy than Rosie and any attempts to speak made him extra nervous. They only had to reach the kettle at the same time and Rosie could feel her hands sweat, watching him twitch and stammer. As for fireworks, there’d be more sparks with two squibs in a rainstorm.

‘Just an idea.’ Pauline shrugged it off. She was basically a kind woman, Rosie thought, whatever catty things people said – just maybe a touch too blunt for the fragile sensitivities of a mostly female environment. And it must be excruciating asking people to hand over cash.

Pauline left to corner someone else and Rosie slumped onto an empty seat, tea forgotten. Two years since Charlie had walked out and no one – except Rosie in the secret corners of her soul – believed he was ever coming back. The beautiful home they’d spent ages lovingly doing up had been sold, Rosie and the boys now installed in a tatty two-bed terrace in a scruffy housing estate, where luckily the neighbours had welcomed her as one of their own.

Better off without him, everyone declared. What self-respecting woman stayed with a cheat after all? Outraged friends wanted him to suffer and occasionally Rosie did too. Not in a nasty, vengeful way, but at least to experience a few twinges of her own devastation.

She had fantasies in which he came crawling back, grief-stricken over what he’d carelessly tossed aside. She’d imagine herself on the arm of Colin Farrell, wearing a fiery-red figure-hugging dress, strikingly elegant, flawlessly made-up, her belly flat and her legs mysteriously three inches longer. She’d be ice-cool, telling him it was too late but usually in these daydreams – and she knew it was wrong – just as Charlie left, dejected, her stony heart would relent, she’d apologise to Colin, kick off her heels and run to Charlie’s joyful arms.

**Click HERE to buy books by Ellie Campbell

* * * * *

EllieCampbell2**Ellie Campbell:

Million Dollar Question is the fifth novel from sister writing team, Pam Burks and Lorraine Campbell, aka Ellie Campbell, who collaborate from their respective homes in Surrey, England and Colorado, USA. Their previous books in include the Amazon bestsellers, chicklit mystery, Looking For La La and How To Survive Your Sisters. They aim to write novels with a sense of humor and romance but that are also realistic and thought-provoking. You can find more information on their blog: www.chicklitsisters.com.

**Contact Ellie Campbell: Email   Blog   Facebook   Twitter

Filed Under: Million Dollar Question Tagged With: Books, Chick Lit Sisters, Chick-Lit, Ellie Campbell, Million Dollar Question, New Release, Woman's Fiction

To Catch a Creeper

March 24, 2014 Leave a Comment

It’s release day for Ellie Campbell! Their newest book is “To Catch A Creeper!”

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“To Catch A Creeper” by Ellie Campbell

Blurb: To Catch A Creeper, to be published week beginning 24th March, is as follows. Cathy is riding high in her brand-new job at a (surprisingly bitchy) top London advertising agency working with best friend Rosa.  But when Rosa’s pregnancy goes amiss and enemies sabotage her new career, she finds herself leading a chaotic double life of lies and deception, hiding a shameful secret from all, especially husband Declan who appears in the throes of a nervous breakdown.  Meanwhile she’s agreed to unmask the notorious Crouch End Creeper, a burglar terrorizing their neighborhood. Little does she know that her meddling, assisted by fellow mothers (the Wednesday Once Weeklies) and the Neighborhood Watch, will lead their dangerous opponent to murder. And that it’s not only the tall elegant transvestite who’s placing herself at risk…

Chapter 1 tease

‘It must have been horrendously frightening, Cathy,’ Holly Willoughby’s sparkling white teeth are shining directly into my eyes causing me to spontaneously blink, ‘finding yourself stalked and then almost strangled to death.’

‘Oh yes,’ I nod and refill my water glass. ‘Terrifying.’

Although, I squirm as three huge cameras circle closer like a cackle of hyenas moving in for the kill, nowhere near as terrifying as being on live TV. All through the interview I keep getting these uncanny impulses to indulge in a touch of Tourette’s, spouting obscenities while intermittently flashing a nipple.

‘And then not only did you capture the culprit but you managed to turn the situation round and through it launched the most talked about advertising campaign this decade.’

‘Not just me…’ I grin bashfully as Camera One’s red light gives a little wink in my direction.

‘So as a woman who’s spent the last eight years as a mother and housewife,’ Holly continues brightly, ‘how are you finding it being back out in the workplace?’

How am I finding it? Fantastic. Sodding-bloody-fantastic, I want to reply but for some reason, ever since the camera did that little wink, my throat simply refuses to co-operate.

‘It’s a…a…’ I cough and reach for the water, ‘case of…’

‘And balancing this brand new exciting career with taking care of two primary-school age children?’ prompts her co-presenter nicely. ‘You must be very organised…’

‘Well, Joseph… I mean Jason… I mean…’

And that’s it. My mouth freezes while I rifle through my memory bank trying to recall his name. Jason or Joseph… But no, it can’t be either. Joseph was the biblical character that this guy portrayed at a West End theatre and Jason…he was the ex-Neighbours actor who also played Joseph as well as dating Kylie Minogue and picking David Guest’s nose on some reality show. So this guy, the one sitting in front of me, all mike-ed up, awaiting an answer while millions look on… God, who is he? Sweat pools under the armpits of my new Vivienne Westwood polka-dot dress with the waist-cinching corset as I scan and rescan his grey speckled hair and cute baby face. ‘The thing is…’

A reassuring hand rests on my arm. For the fifth time this morning, Rosa steps in to save me.

‘Oh she is, Phillip,’ she laughs lightly. ‘Super-organised, that’s our Cath. Packed lunches prepared night before. Uniforms folded neatly on chairs. Dishwasher and washing machine fully loaded. Plants watered. Fish fed. Wonderwoman has nothing on her.’

She slaps me on the back, just as I take another gulp of water. Instead of drowning the giant South American toad now living in my larynx, a fountain shoots out from my mouth and nose.

Holly smiles once more as she smoothly links back to the weather, before the cameras wheel away, allowing her to dab at her water-spotted jacket and mercifully ending the second most scary moment of my entire life.

Five months later

‘…lady…told…that glitters…gold…’

‘Cathy, wake up. You’re singing Stairway to Heaven in your sleep again.’

‘Shh.’ I squeeze my eyes tighter, stick my nose deeper into the pillow and snuggle under my toasty warm duvet, dimly aware of my husband slipping out of bed.

Why so early?

Thank God I’ve a wee while before I need to spring into action. That’s the beauty of setting the alarm an hour ahead. Trick myself into thinking I’m having a lie-in.

I fumble to find my Smartphone and peer bleary-eyed at the display. Eight-thirty. Can’t be right, can it? Maybe it jumped or something, faulty electrics. The real time, it’s really… Wait here’s the radio announcing the news. The eight-thirty news!

‘Bugger!’ My scalp tingles as I kick off the covers, leap out of bed and race down the hallway to Josh and Sophie’s bedrooms, screaming as I shake their lifeless bodies and crank open their curtains. ‘Get up! Get up!’ I march to the bathroom. ‘Why didn’t you wake me? Declan!’ I bang on the door. ‘I need a shower!’

No answer.

‘I have to GO TO WORK!’ I yell through the crack that runs down the middle of the door. ‘I’ve got to leave before you!’

Silence. He’s oblivious. Cool as a cucumber in a crisis, my husband. The house could be scheduled for demolition and you’d still find him in the bathroom at the ten-second countdown, heedless of ticking explosives, patiently letting his automatic toothbrush finish its allotted two minutes, give a last little hum and end.

I dash downstairs, fling a few slices of bread into the toaster, switch on the kettle and speed back to the kids’ rooms. Eight-year-old Sophie has stumbled zombie-like to her feet, moving mechanically, eyes open but unseeing, while her brother, younger by twenty-two months, has stuck his hands over his ears in preparation for the onslaught.

‘Get dressed! Come on, hurry!’ I pick up a mound of clothes littered on the floor and chuck them in his direction. ‘Henrietta’ll be here any second. DECLAN!’

Blast and blithery! Well too late to shower anyway. And I’ll just have to wear my jeans and blouse from yesterday – only slightly wrinkled, no obvious food stains. That’s the best thing about advertising, the casual atmosphere. It’s about creative brilliance not fancy attire.

‘I just checked the fridge. There’s nothing for sandwiches.’ Sophie has appeared in the doorway as I’m tugging on my clothes. ‘Only a soggy mushroom.’

‘Then have school dinners today. And can you remind Josh to bring in that reading book he keeps forgetting? Spiders in your Neck or something. And I’ve left a cheque in the drawer downstairs for your violin lessons. See Mrs Courtland gets it. Bye, Declan, bye,’ I holler through the still closed door. ‘Make sure the kids get off all right. Oh and the cat’s been sick next to the oven so mind where you tread. I’ve got to run or I’ll miss my bus.’

Declan emerges from the bathroom, wiping foam from around his mouth. ‘Not our Wonderwoman?’ he smirks, from under the hand towel. ‘Can’t she just flap her cape and soar into the sunrise?’ He manages a quick peck on my cheek before I scurry down the stairs.

In my rush I almost knock over our new neighbour, Mrs Baker, putting out her paper recycling box.

‘Oh my Lord!’ Her bony hand flutters around her heart, as if to make sure it’s still there and beating. ‘What a fright you gave me! For a moment I thought you were a mugger.’

‘Don’t worry,’ I joke. ‘Muggers don’t start work before ten round here, union rules.’

‘Let me hang onto you, dear.’

I nearly topple over as her skinny little wrinkled arm latches onto mine.

‘Do you want to sit on the step? Catch your breath?’ I turn her around and begin making small baby steps back towards her porch.

‘Catch my death, more like.’ She stops still in her tracks and pulls her crocheted shawl closer. ‘You know I never wanted to move here? Eleanor insisted.’ Her hold on me doesn’t recede. She might look frail but she’s got the grip of a gorilla. ‘“Move to Crouch End” she said. “It’ll be closer to me” she said. Such a dangerous place.’

‘Oh I don’t think it’s that bad.’ I put on a soothing voice and urge her forward once more. ‘I mean, the person who tried murdering me, well they did have mental health issues – really it was the medication talking. Could happen anywhere.’ I snatch a surreptitious glance at my watch. If I miss my bus…

‘They tried what?!’ Her hand flutters to her heart again.

‘I’m sorry, Mrs B. Love to chew the fat, but can’t stop.’ I prise off her arm. ‘Work, you know. Bye.’

***

 Luckily, thanks to 14a buses travelling in packs, I manage to hop on the last of the row of three and marvel of marvels actually find a seat on the upper deck.

As we pass Archway Tube Station I begin to relax. Mornings are the hardest but that’s normal isn’t it, until we all get this new routine off pat. As Rosa says, it’s just a matter of prioritising and hey, there’s no way I’m giving up on it. I still can’t believe how things have turned out. What’s happened career-wise in the last few months has completely surpassed my imagination.

After years of struggling on one salary, putting my metaphorical hand out to my husband each month like a modern day Oliver Twist, I’m determined to make this job a success. Show the world that I’m not Cathy O’Farrell, stay-at-home downtrodden mother-of-two anymore, but rather Cathy O’Farrell, an important and vital cog of the workforce. My stupid Smartphone threw me off today, that’s all. And Declan surprising me last night by taking me to the opening of a new exhibit at the Natural History Museum followed by dinner at a swanky restaurant, having arranged a babysitter all on his ownsome, which meant I didn’t make the supermarket. We staggered in after midnight slightly tipsy and then headed straight for bed, shedding clothes en route. Hard to believe not so long ago I was in a real mess marriage-wise, clueless as to what to do with my life, wondering if Declan even still fancied me, feeling a total failure about everything.

I gaze out of the steamed up window into the misty morning gloom, reliving the evening.

***

‘You’re certain you’re really Irish?’ I’d teased him as he refilled my wine glass. ‘You don’t drink Guinness, you’re not Catholic and I can’t think of the last time I’ve heard you say, yoicks, me arse. If it wasn’t for the ginger hair and twinkling blue eyes, I’d think you were a complete fraud.’

He gave me one of those looks, amused, I think.

‘No, and I don’t start warbling Danny Boy when I’m in a maudlin mood or go blethering on about the little people.’ He leaned forward in a secretive manner so that I automatically leaned forward too. ‘Though I will say, sure and begorrah, that’s a lovely colour blouse, you’re wearing. Makes your eyes look greener than a leprechaun’s jumpsuit, so it does.’

‘It’s new,’ I’d grinned, pleased. ‘Paid for it out of my own wage packet, wouldn’t you know.’

‘And I’m looking forward to removing it later tonight.’ He sipped slowly at his wine, face deadpan, eyes fixed on mine. It took a second but then a little thrill ran through me as I realised what he was talking about.

I decided to treat him to a drop down, flick up, sexy hair toss. ‘Dessert?’ I murmured huskily, running my tongue slowly over my bottom lip. ‘What do you fancy? Coffee, tea – or me?’

‘They do a great cheesecake here,’ he missed it entirely, nose stuck in the menu. ‘How’s the office lately?’

‘Fabulous!’ I raved. ‘Walt Whitman dropped by, hung around chatting. We hired him for the mineral water gig I was telling you about. They’re off to shoot in Hawaii next week. And then about two o’clock all the creative team had champagne in Turks’ office and watched his top ten favourite commercials – he says inputting is nearly as important as outputting.’

‘Does he now?’ he grinned and shook his head. ‘And there’s you who used to run three miles and jump a stile whenever I mentioned finding yourself a job. Who was it said it was nigh on impossible to combine proper mothering care with a worthwhile career?’

‘Ah but that was then,’ I swirled my wine around my glass, ‘and this is now. Things change. People move on. Besides I was merely waiting for the right opportunity. Didn’t want to waste my many talents on menial work.’

‘Many talents, huh? Like super sleuthing for example?’ He arched his left eyebrow in a sardonic pose. ‘So I guess that means you won’t be leaping in to catch the infamous Crouch End Creeper? Made page seven of The Independent today.’

‘The Independent? Wow. So what did…?’ I caught myself just in time and skilfully changed my mildly interested tone to dismissive-who-cares-a-fig. ‘Haven’t they better things to write about? I mean, what’s happening in the Middle East? How’s Germany’s economy? Besides I’m far too busy.’

‘Tell me again, what exactly it is you do all day?’

‘Think up new campaigns. Write copy. Mostly hush hush. I’m not supposed to talk about it actually.’ I dabbed my lips with a napkin. ‘Client confidentiality, you know.’

‘Oh I see,’ he whispered back, raising his palm between us as a shield from prying ears. ‘I didn’t realise. Heard anything from Gabby or anyone?’

By anyone, he meant half my close friends who seemed to disappear at roughly the same time towards the end of last year. Not exactly a case of one got squashed, one got lost, one had an operation. More one got sent to an asylum, one emigrated and the other disappeared to Cornwall in an attempt to get her teenagers off the weed.

‘Gabby called last week, funnily enough. She’s loving it down in Padstow. Her boys have a collie and a goat and acres of land. And Belinda emailed me from Toronto about a month ago. She started making her jams, and Geoffrey’s furniture is actually selling. Great, eh?’

‘Good luck to them, going after their dreams. I envy them in a way.’

‘Why?’ I stared at him in surprise. Not like Declan to sound wistful. ‘I could never imagine you tugging at goats’ udders or carving sparrows out of tree-trunks. Besides I thought you loved it at Wilson Inc.’

‘Oh I do, I do. Sure and isn’t it the dream of every young Irish lad,’ he mocked, ‘to be employed by an old established manufacturing company with a final salary pension plan and a real gold watch on retirement.’

‘Well, what is your dream then?’

‘Don’t know,’ he sighed and looked thoughtful. ‘But I suspect it’s nothing to do with end of year accounts. Ach, never mind,’ he put on the accent again. ‘Right now, I’m dreaming of bed with my Irish queen and stripping her of that fine linen blouse. Too la roo la roo la.’

Later that night, I snuggled up against his warm naked body.

‘I think you’ve been in Crouch End too long. You’ve the worst Irish accent I’ve ever heard.’

He wrapped his arms around me. ‘And hard to believe you’re more interested in matters abroad than happenings in your own neighbourhood. Well done.’ He kissed the top of my head.

‘I’m not a small town gal anymore,’ I’d sighed heavily, gloriously content.

* * * * *

“Looking for La La” by Ellie Campbell is on sale for $0.99 from Monday, March 24th to Sunday, March 30th!

Amazon – US   Amazon – UK

“How to Survive Your Sisters” by Ellie Campbell is on sale Wednesday, March 26th to Sunday, March 30th! (US only)

Amazon – US

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA**Contact Ellie Campbell:

Email   Website   Facebook   Goodreads   Twitter

Filed Under: To Catch a Creeper Tagged With: Book feature, Books, Chick-Lit, Ellie Campbell, To Catch A Creeper, Women's Fiction

Ellie Campbell

April 12, 2013 1 Comment

EllieCampbell1

About author, Ellie Campbell:  Who is Ellie Campbell?  Actually ‘Ellie’ is two people – sisters and co-authors Pam Burks and Lorraine Campbell.  We are from Scotland, born in Inverness, raised in Edinburgh and then as teens moved with the family to Bognor Regis, the South Coast of England – quite a culture shock since it was two years before people deciphered our accents.  Not being overly academic (or realizing that university would be four years of drinking and partying, judging by our dissolute friends) we took our meager high school typing skills and jumped into the workforce.  Lorraine started writing short stories while working for literary agent, now bestselling author, Carol Smith, followed by a stint at Woman magazine.  Pam returned to England after spending time in San Francisco, Australia and a year-long, round-the-world trip home, got married and raised three children. Travel must be in the blood because not long after Pam settled down, Lorraine took off for South and Central America and never really returned to the UK, except for visits.  She lived in France for a few years, volunteered in an orphanage in Guatemala and ended up working as a charter cook on a boat in Honduras where she met her husband.  They now live on a small Colorado farm with three horses, four chickens, five cats and a dog, while Pam is in Reigate, a country town in Surrey, working part-time in college, and cracking the whip whenever she feels her big sister and writing partner is slacking off.

INTERVIEW

What made you two want to write a book together?

Pam:  Lorraine and I have always been close, being the youngest of four sisters, sharing a passion for horses, and seeing a lot of each other when we both lived in London.  I started selling short stories when Lorraine was traveling and when she settled in Boulder, Colorado, I’d often email her my latest piece of fiction.  Since she was writing too, it was natural for us to talk about the things we were working on or, when we were stuck, to ask for input.  Turned out we were both planning to write a novel about the ‘sister thing’, wanting to use some of our experiences growing up, especially our eccentric and very funny mother (sadly deceased) and all the joys and pains of being a family of four girls, eternally bickering and making up.  It seemed natural somehow to write it together – that way we didn’t look like one was copying the other! “How to Survive Your Sisters” was our first published novel and we were thrilled to be able to share the publishing journey together.

Coffee or tea?

Pam:  Tea. Always.  If I drink coffee I have to eat biscuits. I always feel tea is better for me, more refreshing.  Although I’ll go out for a latte and it’s a bit of a treat.

Lorraine:   Depends.  At breakfast – especially if we go out for it – definitely coffee.  American restaurants can’t make tea.  They give you tepid microwaved water and a teabag – ugh!  If we have a pot of coffee brewing at home I’ll work my way through that and then switch to tea.   I blame my mother for my caffeine addiction.  She used to wake us up with a cup of milky tea laden with sugar.  Funny thing is I hated coffee until I started my first menial office job and then it became the bright spot in a long boring day.

Walk us through what the writing/editing/publishing process was like:

Lorraine:  Well, we squabbled our way through the first novel… no, not really, it was surprisingly easy.  We’d agree the basic story, plan out chapters and then each write a scene and send it to the other one – who would then make alterations and edits as they saw fit and send it back.  And so on.  In a way we were constantly editing and then when it was finished we had a really long book and had to go back and make drastic cuts.  When we started sending it to agents, we were lucky enough that a new agent, Caroline Hardman, liked it and agreed to take us on.  She confessed we’d be her first ever clients – she’s got hugely successful since – and we confessed Ellie Campbell didn’t really exist. Arrow Books offered us a two-book contract, we got the same in Germany, Italy and Serbia.  It was all hugely exciting, especially since Pam and I got to do the publicity stuff – radio interviews and book signings – together.  Being somewhat cowardly, it was nice to have the moral support.

Who or what inspires you to write?

Pam:  In the case of our new book, Looking for La La, it was a heavily lipsticked postcard that arrived through my door, proclaiming – surprisingly enough – passionate love for my husband.  It was exactly as happens to Cathy in the opening chapter. However, unlike Cathy, instead of running frenziedly around town, looking for suspects and alienating all her nearest and dearest (including a murderous and unexpected opponent) I wrote it off as a bad joke.  It did however spark the idea of writing a funny book about marriage and motherhood several years down the line after the honeymoon has worn off.   And I did get a little extra satisfaction from imagining La La reading it.

Lorraine:  I might add that Pam and I are natural storytellers, get us started and we can go on and on…and on and on… We must inherit it from our mother who had a wealth of funny anecdotes and a warped sense of humor.  She’d be telling a story about my father falling down a flight of stairs and getting knocked out cold and she’d be incoherent and crying because she was laughing so hard.

If you could be on one reality TV show, what would it be?

Pam:  Britain’s Got Talent. It’s a show that anyone of any age or any talent can enter. Last year it was won by a dancing dog.  There’s all sorts that enter, group dancers, single dancers, singers, strippers, the lot!  I’d bring my dog along – a border terrier. She probably wouldn’t do anything, but I could let her have her moment of fame.

Lorraine:  Dancing With The Stars.  I’d get super-skinny and incredibly fit, I could indulge in my Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers fantasies, and all the friends who used to laugh at my moves in our disco-dancing days would watch it and marvel.

Tell us one thing that most people don’t know:

Pam:  That just like, Jen in When Good Friends Go Bad, I entered a stock car race with absolutely no prior experience, and in less than two laps I had crashed into a post and written off the car.

Lorraine:  That I have studied different forms of energy healing and even practiced professionally a tiny bit.  My first ever client, a sweet lady in pink twinset and pearls, showed up accompanied by her tall, dark husband who was wearing a flowered dress, lipstick, make-up, and heels.   Halfway through our session my client jumped up, ran to the bathroom and vomited profusely, before returning and meekly climbing back on to the massage table.  It was an interesting experience, I think, for all concerned and I decided shortly afterwards that I’d better stick to writing.

How long did it take to write the first draft of “Looking for La La”?

Pam:  Probably about 6 months from start to finish.  It was one of those inspired books that almost seemed to write itself.  After that though there were plenty of rewrites and alterations.   We made changes to the storyline, beefed up the murder mystery, took out huge chunks to make it move faster.

What was the easiest part about writing the book, and what was the hardest?

Pam:  We really enjoyed writing from Cathy’s viewpoint and following a single character. In so many ways, it was simpler than our other two novels in which we were writing in the third person, balancing four characters, all with their own individual stories.  Plus Cathy’s world was so familiar and fun.

Lorraine:  The hardest part was cutting.  We took out at least two of our much-loved characters and a whole subplot that we realized was fun but not essential to the story. It made the book better in the end, but sometimes it’s painful to let go, even though we’ve learned that usually, as far as novel writing is concerned, less is more.

How did you celebrate the publication of “Looking for “La La”?

Pam:  I booked a Spa. In the novel Cathy is treated to a Spa day by her friends.  It sounded wonderful, so I thought once the book was out that I would go myself with a good friend of mine.  We’re going in the next couple of weeks.

Lorraine:  I bought myself a Kindle Fire.  Between writing, the horse training course I’m taking, volunteering at horse sanctuaries to practice techniques, and taking care of my own animals, the only chance I have to read is in bed.  And then my husband wants the light out right away.  So now with my Kindle I can actually read books again without it bothering him.

What are you reading right now?

Pam:  I hardly have time to read anything, but I’ve just smuggled a book out of my friend’s house, which is “Up the Junction” written by Nell Dunn.  It is quite an old book and it was made into a film, but the dialogue is great and you can dip in and dip out of it.

Lorraine:  I just finished ‘Love The One You’re With’ by Emily Giffin, managed to read most of it on a plane to Indianapolis and home.  I plan to start ‘Yours Truly’ by Kirsty Greenwood.  Just as soon as I can find my new Kindle.  Which is probably buried under the papers on my desk.

If you had to do it all again, would you, and what advice would you give to yourself knowing what you do now?

Lorraine:  Yes, I would do it all again.  I think we had a fantastic childhood, some amazing experiences, incredible luck.  I loved working in publishing.  I loved backpacking. I loved living in LA for two years and also in France.  I loved sailing.  In many ways my life seems to fall into distinct segments that feel like a dream now. Advice – well, I felt very shy and deeply insecure in my late teens and twenties.  I would tell myself to be bolder and not worry about what people thought of me.  It took traveling alone to break me out of my shell.  But even the bad stuff contributed to the person I am today.  And my life is pretty good.

Pam:  I have loved the journey so far, especially my writing career.  It was amazing travelling around the world when I was younger, seeing all these amazing countries – living out in Australia and America.  But I am deeply happy now settled in England with my wonderful family.  I have few regrets as everything that happens turns you into the person you are, good and bad.  I wish I’d spent more time with my parents, as they both died too young and I wished I’d started my writing career earlier I guess.  Advice  to myself would probably be not to have worried so much about things that never happen.  Celebrate the positive, disregard the negative! Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Do either of you have an upcoming project, whether it be together or separate?

Pam:  We have just finished our fourth novel together, Million Dollar  Question: a story of two women, strangers to each other, whose lives are overturned by an outrageous stroke of fortune  – good and bad – on the same day. At the moment it is with our agent, Caroline Hardman at Hardman and Swainson.  As for the book after that, well, it remains to be seen.  There may be a sequel to Looking For La La one day – Cathy is the kind of character you hate to leave behind.

**Additional comments by Ellie Campbell:  Lorraine and Pam: Yes, we’d like to thank you, Isabella, for inviting us to be interviewed on Chicklit Goddess.  It’s been fun answering your questions and maybe we can come back and do a guest post some day. Also just to say to all your lovely readers out there, to please contact us.  We love hearing from everyone out there and we do answer all our messages.

**Buy Looking for La La on Amazon!

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Filed Under: Ellie Campbell Tagged With: Books, Chick-Lit, Chicklit Sisters, Ellie Campbell, Guest Interview, Looking for La La, Writing

BOOK FEATURE: LOOKING FOR LA LA

April 11, 2013 1 Comment

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“Looking for La La” by Ellie Campbell

Blurb:  In a recent survey 65% of mothers admitted feeling undervalued, over-criticised and constantly tired.

Cathy is no exception. Her dull, uneventful days as a stay at home, mother of two, are radically transformed however with the arrival of a heavily lipsticked postcard addressed to husband, Declan. Who is the mysterious La La? Could Declan really be having an affair? And is Cathy actually being stalked?

Whatever – it will definitely prove riveting gossip for the Tuesday Twice Monthlies, Cathy’s ‘Mothers Restaurant Research’ group where scandal flows as recklessly as the wine. But what starts as a light-hearted investigation with best friend Raz, soon turns into something much more sinister.

With a possible murderer on the scene, a sexy admirer igniting long-forgotten sparks, and all her friends hiding secrets, it’s not only Cathy’s marriage that’s in jeopardy. Add in the scheming antics of Declan’s new assistant, the stress of organising the school Save The Toilet’s dance and the stage is set for a dangerous showdown and some very unsettling, possibly deadly, revelations.

***

Looking for La La, Chapter 1

Not a sound is heard as it lands silently on the mat. No drums rolls, crashing thunder, shafts of light. The walls don’t start crumbling, the ground doesn’t vibrate with terrifying tremors and a yawning fissure fails to zigzag across the kitchen floor and separate my husband from his breakfast marmalade.

In short, I’ve no clue as to the impact it’ll have on our lives. Mayhem. Marital breakdown. Murder. It should at least have been written in blood or come in the beak of a dark-winged raven.

It is a postcard. “Love from London” blazoned above a giant pair of pouting lips kissing a cherry-red heart.

At first sight it appears to be one of those “Please Come to Our Rave” flyers which get thrust through my door periodically. Now the chances of me, a world-weary, put-upon mother-of-two, going to a rave are slim to none, but heck it’s nice to be invited.

I turn it over.

Dearest, sweetest Declan – it begins. My eyes widen as I take in the blue spidery handwriting and race to the signature. ‘Love from La La.’

A tiny blip courses through me as I beetle down the hall attempting to identify the exact emotion I’m feeling.

Jealousy?

No.

Anger?

Nah.

It’s – I recognise it now – excitement. A blip of excitement forcing its merry way around my clogged up veins.

‘Postcard for you,’ I say nonchalantly, opening the door and stepping back into the kitchen, ‘from La La.’

I had a blip when I first spotted Declan at Bubbles, a dingy disco located east of the pier in downtown Bognor Regis. It was Sandra Mason’s leaving work party and I was nineteen years old. Sandra was tear-stained and puffy faced – partly from drink, partly emotion and partly because she always had a fairly puffy face. We’d given her a pretty good send off, bought her sexy underwear and filled an enormous padded card with witty farewells and humorous poems, all of them sounding a whole bunch better than my lowly “To Sandra, All best – Cath”.

The fifth yawn of the evening had just wormed its way out of my mouth corner, when I spied Declan dancing under a glassy mirror ball, had the blip and knew immediately we were destined to become involved. I wasn’t sure how. Perhaps he’d introduce me to a mate or better-looking brother. Not that he repelled me exactly, but spiky ginger hair had never been top of my “must haves” and the way he was swinging those hips in perfect rhythm with a blonde nymphet, well, they looked set for life. In and out they gyrated to Unchained Melody, his large hands caressing her tanned shoulder blades. I found out much later she was his long-term girlfriend, Lucy. Juicy Lucy, I labelled her. Not very original maybe but it inevitably served its purpose of getting right up Declan’s nose.

They made quite a couple. Lucy laughing, licking her glossy lips, and my future spouse leering lovingly at her, beads of sweat running down his freckled brow. I was entranced for a good few seconds before being beckoned back to earth by Sandra, who wanted an all-embracing photo of the girls from Credit Control. So, blocking out the blip, I pasted on a wide cheesy grin and darted across the room.

Declan?’

He sits motionless, his knife suspended in the Flora margarine, blue eyes gazing into the far distance, as he listens to a heated political debate on Radio 4.

‘Postcard, darling, from La La.’ I raise my voice, aware it’ll take a more urgent tone to break that level of concentration. Either that or blasting out the latest match score. Arsenal 0 – Manchester City 2. He reminds me at times of De Niro in Awakenings, forever trapped in a catatonic state. I often wonder if I throw a ball at him whether he’d whirl round in his chair and catch it in one swift movement.

‘What?’ He finally looks up, granary toast perilously close to his open mouth. ‘Not more bills, surely?’

‘La La,’ I repeat, handing the postcard to him.

‘Who the hell’s La La?’

‘Sounds like a telly tubby,’ I return to my half-eaten boiled egg, disguising my curiosity. ‘Not sure which colour though? Ask Josh and Sophie about it tonight.’

Our two children have been despatched to school by Henrietta, a fellow mum. A ruse we’d come up with so we could have “quality” time with our husbands on alternate mornings. Knowing Henrietta she’ll be using her time to bonk Neil senseless. Me – I just aimed for a halfway decent conversation and constantly missed.

He’s silently reading.

‘What does it say?’ I add a pinch of salt to the last millimetre of yolk. Declan hates that I add salt to food, wants it banned from the house, which makes it all the more decadent and delicious.

He fishes in the drawer for his wire-framed reading glasses, perches them on the end of his nose, in a way that hides his boyish face and makes him look nearer fifty than his “recently passed forty-two”.

He clears his throat. ‘‘Dearest, sweetest Declan, I long to have you in my arms again. Ever yours.” A tinge of colour slowly works its way up his cheeks. ‘And there’s a “Love from La La” at the bottom. Well, how about that?’ He starts pacing the floor, a puzzled frown etched on his forehead.

‘So who do you think sent it?’ I ask eagerly.

‘No idea.’ The postcard’s placed on the worktop. ‘Practical joke, I guess.’

Forlornly I tackle the stack of plates lying accusingly in the sink.

‘I seriously need a dishwasher,’ I mutter, squeezing a generous helping of Fairy liquid onto a brown, greasy stain. ‘Everyone’s got one, even Patience Preston.’

Patience, mate of my closest friend, Raz, lives on her own in an immaculate flat.

‘Hmm.’

‘All she uses her fridge for is to chill vodka. Not a scrap of food’s ever marred its spotlessness.’

‘Hmmm.’

Sometimes my conversations went totally one way.

‘She skips breakfast, buys herself wraps lunchtime and eats out each evening. And yet she owns a dishwasher. All I’ve got is an empty space waiting to be filled.’

‘Patience can probably afford a dishwasher,’ he says slowly. ‘Because she has a job.’

My hackles raise a notch. ‘Ah, but she doesn’t have children to chase after all day, does she?’

‘And nor do you. Now they’re both at school till four.’

Another few notches of hackles are raised. ‘Half three actually. And I have to leave ages before that to pick them up.’ Rather than tromp through a well-planted minefield I decide to divert. ‘Did you know Patience’s mum owns a microphone once licked by Tom Jones?’ Occasionally a little falsehood helped deflect the shrapnel.

It works, momentarily. ‘Why on earth does Tom Jones go around licking microphones?’

‘Dunno, maybe someone threw their knickers at it and knocked it into his mouth.’

He raises his eyebrow a fraction. ‘Anyhow a dishwasher’s not exactly a priority, is it? What with the roof space that needs lagging, windows needing replacing, boiler about to blow. Where the money’s coming from, I don’t know. My pockets aren’t…’

His diatribe’s thankfully interrupted by his ringing mobile. It’s in his hand faster than Wyatt Earp with a smoking gun.

‘Hi. Mm. Sure, sure. Sounds good. When? Ha, ha, ha. Have you asked Jessica-Ellen? Uh huh. Uh huh. Cathy? Nah she’s cool. ’Course. Eight p.m. it is.’

‘Eight p.m. it is,’ I echo under my breath as I scrub furiously at last night’s saucepan.

‘So,’ his voice is casual as he slips his phone into his pocket. ‘Wonder who sent it then?’

‘Maybe someone at work fancies you.’ My chortle halts abruptly when I turn and catch his expression. He’s not been in the mood for jokes lately, his sense of humour apparently absconding the morning of his fortieth birthday.

Besides he knows he’s attractive. I made the mistake of telling him he was voted “Body of the Year” by the Tuesday Twice-Monthlies – the Restaurant Research Group I attend each fortnight. Henrietta likens him to a ginger Nicholas Cage with his high cheekbones and well-defined eyebrows. Raz adores his muscley arms, “sex on elbows” she calls them. And everyone everywhere tells me how lucky I was in nabbing him. As if I was a total pleb who lured him with some secret charm they could never quite see in me. I want to rage at them all, ‘I was the one “nabbed” sisters. I was the one “bloody nabbed”.’ Of course being a coward, I never do.

He turns the card over. ‘If that were true, you’d think they’d pop it in my pigeonhole rather than send it to my home, wouldn’t you?’ He drops his cup into my washing up bowl. ‘Right, I’m off.’

I wipe my hands on my dressing gown as I follow him down the hall.

‘You couldn’t just take my watch to be repaired? On the bedside cabinet.’ He retrieves his umbrella from the pot by the door.

‘Sure, honey babe.’ I stand on tiptoes to tweak his tie.

‘Oh and my black boots need soles.’

‘Consider it done.’

‘And do get the kids to clear up those toys in the back garden.’ His face takes on a pained expression, strange love cards already dismissed. ‘Neighbours must wonder who they’re living next to.’

‘I’m on to it.’ I resist the urge to snap into a salute.

Pathetic, isn’t it? These seem to be our new roles in life. Declan barking orders, me acting the subservient housewife. Usually I’m not so wimpish but since Josh started school six months back, I realise I’m on extremely shaky ground even if it looks like the same old floor tiles. Casual mentions of spiralling debts, sharing the load or even carrying it for a change have been accumulating faster than Victoria Beckham’s Hermes handbag collection.

Too bad that as the bickering increases so does my morbid fear of rejoining the workforce. Once lodged comfortably at the back of my mind, like a suspicion of woodworm you’ll get around to dealing with later, it’s morphed to become a monstrous bugbear between us.

Rattle of keys. He’s already mentally in his office as he pecks me on the cheek. Smack of suit pocket to check for his wallet, quick comb of the hair to confirm it’s up to R A Wilson Inc standards, and he departs for work. I wave serenely on the doorstep before dashing back inside to put on Coral Duster’s Greatest Hits.

As Coral’s dulcet tones wash over me, I head for the phone.

‘Urgent sturgent! Urgent sturgent!’ I can’t disguise the thrill in my voice. Me with news? Something unexpected from the Cathy O’Farrell home front. I move aside Declan’s raincoat and Sophie’s puffa jacket, rub a hole in the dusty oval mirror and glance at my reflection. My eyes are so alive they’re practically dancing. The whites are whiter than I’ve seen for ages, the iris a more attractive shade of green and my pupils have almost doubled. Even my hair, though badly in need of brushing, seems to have a few extra auburn glints.

‘What’s up?’ Raz says excitedly.

I knew she’d be all ears. I don’t call her “Nose-ache Nora” for no reason. Her name’s really Rosa. Rosa Alison Zimmerman, but Raz was a pet name one of her ex’s gave her and it had kind of stuck.

We met in the toilet of Johnson & Phillips Surveyors, both escaping for a clandestine ciggy and to get away from the oppressive atmosphere of the miserable men with their clacking rulers. During our regular smoke-outs we found we had much in common, i.e. sneaking off for two-hour lunches and rating the hotness factor of every guy we ran into. That was fifteen long years ago. We’d lived together, loved and lost together. We know each other better than we know ourselves.

She listens quietly, as I spurt it out in a waterfall of words. ‘You think this postcard could be serious?’ she says finally.

‘Nah,’ I giggle. Even my lips have a bee-stung feel about them. ‘It’s just somebody winding him up.’

‘Sure about that?’ Her imagination virtually scales the same heights as mine, except she’s got minor sanity in her life – an office, desk, own direct line and, best of all, colleagues.

Colleagues. Thing I miss most about working. Especially male colleagues that I can banter with, groan at their silly jokes and amaze with clever solutions to their insurmountable problems. ‘By gad you’ve got it, Cath!’ They’d exclaim in awe. ‘We’ve been struggling with that one ages’ and I’d reply, ‘No worries, lads,’ and feel their admiring eyes on my bottom as they watched me leave.

Only that was before my bottom sagged to resemble Dumbo’s and my pre-children brain cells were sparkling crystals, free from today’s pea souper fog. Nowadays the only thing I could bring to the conference table would be the tea trolley.

Raz and I are both silent. I’m thinking about Declan and his endless meetings and oh-so-vital budget reports. Could he really sweep them all aside for unbridled, illicit sex? Raz, from the sound of things, is drawing on her first fag of the morning. I can almost smell the sweet aroma.

‘You’re obviously really really worried about it,’ she adds. ‘So…’

‘I’m not really really worried about it,’ I say, starting immediately to really really worry.

‘I’m on my way.’

The sound of creaking and clopping, platform shoes on wooden stairs, reverberates throughout the house.

Looking for La La, Chapter 2

It had been my great good fortune that two months ago Raz found out Jerry, her live-in lover, was a secret druggie. She kept discovering rolled up balls of silver foil near the base of the toilet and could never understand where they came from. She rang me one night about it.

‘Silver foil…toilet base…hang on a sec. Look, now don’t take this badly but,’ I drew in a deep breath. ‘Do you remember when you were shacked up with Pete and I was stuck on my own in that grotty Kilburn bedsit?’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘And do you remember what I found…in the back of the oven?’

‘Yes. Oh God. God.’

‘Now listen, Raz, I want you to stay calm. Just think,’ I said the words slowly to emphasise the seriousness of the situation. ‘Have…you…checked…the tea-towels?’

‘I can’t!’ she shrieked. ‘I can’t have a bloody rat living in my oven!’

‘You bet you can.’ I mean why not her? Happened to me after all.

The tartan tea-towels had been the first thing I noticed. Ragged at the best of times, they were becoming holier by the day. Eventually one night I followed a scratching sound and there in the dark of the kitchen a small brown head popped up from under a hot plate. I looked again and he was gone but pulling back the oven moments later, there I found him – a ruddy great rat sitting wide-eyed and somewhat guilty in a tartan nest.

‘But surely silver foil isn’t that comfortable?’ Raz said bemused.

‘Might be for insulation. Rats are extremely intelligent. Now deep breaths. I’ll stay at the end of the phone. You go look.’

‘Right.’

She came back moments later.

‘It’s OK,’ she said relieved. ‘Tea-towels are all there, there’s no droppings and besides, we’ve one of those halogen hobs.’

Days later Raz discovered Jerry was heavily into the old Charlie – and I’m not talking Sheen – (but could be). It was enough for her to retreat back to her parents’ home. ‘Thank Christ I found out before we moved into the new flat,’ she’d confided as I joined her in a spot of retail therapy. ‘He’d have stayed forever, burning a hole in his nose and my pocket at the same time.’

‘True.’ I’d replied, peeling off yet another pair of Calvin Klein jeans I could barely manoeuvre into, let alone afford.

‘But on the other hand I don’t think I can stand staying with mum and dad until the renovation’s done,’ she continued, buttoning up an immaculately-fitting black Jaeger jacket. ‘I’m already getting jaw-ache from grinding my teeth at night. I’ll have to rent. Only all the landlords want a year’s bloody contract.’

‘Too bad,’ I’d sympathised, whilst inwardly formulating a cunning plan.

That evening I whisked her off to Café Rouge, got her tanked up and persuaded her to move into our loft extension. ‘Just until your builders finish.’

‘But you’re married now,’ she slurred, over her fourth glass of Frascati. ‘I don’t want to be a big fat gooseberry.’

I glanced at her across the table, chasing her crab cakes around her plate with a fish fork. Willowy and beautiful with her delicate bone structure and slim but shapely figure. No big fatty thing about her anywhere. Not like me. Two sizes too wide, two inches too short, orange peel thighs and a large layer of belly blubber.

No, Raz’s different. Everyone loves her with her famous zigzag parting, her shoulder-length stylishly-streaked blonde hair dropping down just a hint over her right eye. She has a certain sexiness in her gravelly voice, a confidence in her manner and a way with people that both intrigues and attracts them.

‘You won’t be. What’s more,’ I added encouragingly. ‘It’ll dilute Declan, help with the mortgage and,’ my eyes sparkled with anticipation, ‘we might have fun. Thirty quid per week.’ I quickly chinked my glass against hers to cement the deal.

After another carafe of wine, she agreed, with the proviso that she pay us eighty, wouldn’t be expected to baby-sit and I’d have to knock if I wanted to enter her private quarters. You always knew where you stood with Raz. ‘Oh and,’ she added, ‘we’ll need space for our own friends.’

‘Fine! Fine! Anything you say,’ I squealed with delight and just managed to refrain from running around the restaurant clicking my heels.

I’ve got to admit living with Raz and my family is a whole lot different to when it was just the two of us sharing years before in various short-term lets. Back then not only was I young, energetic and could party ‘til dawn, but I could nip to the pub at the crook of a finger, vomit down the loo all night long and nobody’d blink an eye. My commitments added up to a big round zero. But now, having gone down the baby route, I’ve turned into this safety-conscious, back-of-the-queue sort of a gal while Raz has remained in the live wild, live dangerously phase.

Not forgetting that the “job” thing also stands between us. While my career, ranging from lowly filing clerk to secretary to PA slithered into oblivion at the birth of my offspring, Raz became a big cheese in the advertising world. She blossomed whereas I withered away, happily sacrificing my not-yet-glorious working life to nurture our children.

Anyway, she keeps assuring me that her “room at the top” suits her perfectly for now, although recently I’ve noticed that her phone calls to the team of builders called Trev and Kev and such are sounding increasingly hysterical, overshadowing the screeches of squabbling children and day-to-day quarrelling between Declan and myself. Builders being what they are and the finish date past weeks ago. I suppose for an ad executive she’s slumming it, although she does have her own bathroom, toilet and bed under the eaves. A little nest where she gathers together countless people. I should know because I’ve tried counting them, watching enviously as they troop up, bottles in hand. Unusual hairdos, curious fashions. I’ve even managed to join them a few times, to supper or the occasional brunch, where we’ll read the Sunday rags, drink bucks fizz and gobble up grapefruit sprinkled with Demerara sugar. And I’ll borrow some of Raz’s clothes, lie back on a beanbag and feel for a tiny while young and Bohemian, forgetting about Declan downstairs with the kids.

She arrives in the kitchen, notebook in one hand, half-finished cigarette in the other. I show her the postcard then perch expectantly on a stool.

‘I see.’ She studies it carefully before pinning it to the fridge with a magnetic Marge Simpson. ‘Well, I’m not going in ‘til later.’ She flicks the ash into the sink. ‘So,’ she ejects my Coral Duster CD, plugs her iPod into Declan’s docking station, and turns it on, ‘let’s get down to facts.’

Pumping music fills the air and I grin. We’re on a mission. Just like the old days in our shared studio when we’d jump on the other’s bed and shout, ‘Let’s hit Camden’ or ‘Let’s do the Thames’ or ‘Let’s phone that bloke that never rang you and blow raspberries at him.’ Happy times before I became a domestic prisoner.

‘We’ll make a suspects list.’ She looks thoughtful as she taps into her Blackberry. ‘A. La La’s someone Declan works with having a giggle. Someone with a lousy sense of humour?’

‘Definitely. They’re all rather geeky.’

‘B.’ She closes her eyes a moment. ‘La La’s a man!’

The hairs on my neck suddenly stand erect. ‘Gay lover?’

‘Hardly! Business rival maybe. Someone with a grudge.’

‘Grudge? Well probably loads of people hate him. He’s got funny habits, like the way he looks in the opposite direction when you’re attempting a conversation.’ I drum my fingers on the table.

‘C. Declan’s had or is having an affair. She begged him to leave you, but he told her no. Miffed, she sent the card hoping you’ll kick him out.’ She taps away while adding. ‘Totally off the wall, but we have to consider every possibility.’

‘Unlikely,’ I say dismissively. ‘If he started an affair I’d suss him out right away. He’d be all strange and psychologically different. Mooning at the moon, sighing heavily, listening to Leonard Cohen.’

‘You mean like you did when you had that secret tryst behind pervy Paul’s back.’

‘Yeah, well, he deserved it with that foot fetish. Can you imagine how cringey it is having your toenails idolised?’

‘So Declan’s not been acting differently in any way?’

‘We-ell,’ I pause to think. ‘He has been coming home later from work…and he’s just recently bought piles of starry-designed underwear and expensive aftershave.’

‘Anything else?’

‘Em, silly really,’ I hesitate. ‘But there’s been a surge of brightly-coloured ties these last few weeks, not the sort he usually wears. Snake-like patterns.’

‘Aha.’

‘And he -’ I lower my voice. ‘God I’m embarrassed to say, but he’s been wanting me to get up to all sorts of bedroom tricks. Almost as if he’s got this teacher, showing him the ropes. But hey, I don’t think they’re signs, do you?’

‘Cath,’ she rolls her eyes, ‘will you be serious for once? I mean it’s clearly a nonsense prank, but whoever sent it is playing a totally stupid and possibly dangerous game. What if you were the morbidly possessive type? Remember that idiot in the news a few months back who stabbed his girlfriend because he believed the rumours she was a prostitute.’

‘I know, I know.’ But for some mad reason I’m loving the drama. Maybe I should be getting all neurotic and jealous at the possibility of my husband of ten years finding a lover – alarm bells ringing, cue eerie music as Camera One closes in on my wedding ring – but, hey, this is fun. Perhaps it’s only that I’m stuck in a rut and clueless how to change things, but for one wild moment I want to fling everything routine from the highest rooftop. And then peer down, see how they’ve landed and go from there. Is that so very wrong?

‘Apart from working longer hours than ever before, there’s zilch to report.’

‘I mean, an affair. Ridiculous. He’s crazy about you.’ Raz smiles sympathetically, but continues tapping, an intense look plastered on her face.

I give a weary sigh. Perhaps I’m looking at this the wrong way. Perhaps the opportunity of swapping my plain cotton-rich M&S midi knickers for a scanty pair of Agent Provocateur briefs has finally become too much for Declan. I can’t help feeling a tinge of sympathy. After all, he’d no idea when he married his coquettish flirtatious young girlfriend what sort of dreary wife she’d turn into. Although, to be fair to myself, neither did I.

‘And D,’ she stubs out her ciggy. ‘Could be like fatal attraction. Insane woman, gunning for you.’

‘Gee, now that makes me feel heaps better,’ I gulp.

‘Well, like I said, they’re all just possibilities,’ she presses a few more buttons and the screen goes blank. ‘Probably turn out to be A. Cox’s?’ She throws me over an apple and takes one herself.

‘You know, Raz,’ I bite into mine, ‘this reminds me of the last mission we undertook – the frozen shoulder conspiracy.’

‘The one where you discovered people suffering from spasmodic shoulders had been infected with a strange Spanish virus?’ She bites into hers.

‘Yup, but the UK doctors were keeping mum because they were getting backhanders from pharmaceutical companies.’

‘Cathy,’ she smiles at me indulgently. ‘That was a dream, remember?’

‘Yeah, I know,’ I admit grudgingly. ‘But it was a really realistic one.’

She stands up and checks her watch. ‘Woops. Better go. Can you just sort my jacket?’

I retrieve the lint roller from the kitchen drawer and carefully remove Custard’s dog hairs from her back. She looks exceptionally smart, with a crisp cream blouse underneath her cotton flared trouser suit that matches to the precise shade, her violet-blue eyes. All ready for a hard day’s work with Younger and Wilding, top London Advertising Agency. And there’s me standing behind her, unshowered, clad in grubby dressing gown with one pocket and three buttons missing, shoulder-length hair secured with one of Sophie’s discarded Barbie baubles.

At thirty-four, she’s only four years younger than me, but at this nano-second in time, I feel like her old granny – the one you can shove off a bus.

‘You home tonight?’ I call after her as she heads off down the front path.

‘Not until late,’ she shouts back. ‘Seeing Patience up town. But I’ll google La La as soon as I get to work, see if she’s got a track record. And Cathy, if you think of anything, anything at all, call me right away. We’re going to get to the bottom of this if it kills us.’

I smile as I close the door and step back inside the house. I might not get paid a salary, my children might be speeding towards adulthood so fast we’ll be paying for Sophie’s wedding before I’ve even got her baby photos sorted, but now I have a purpose, a quest. I’m looking for La La.

LookingforLa LaCoverPic

**GIVEAWAY**

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**Comments by Ellie Campbell:  We love all kinds of novels but particularly women’s fiction with a great story, recognizable characters and the ability to make us laugh one minute and perhaps cry the next.  We still share the same sense of humor that got us into so much trouble as kids and so it has been fun writing books that allow us to enjoy the comic aspects of everyday life while still exploring some serious issues and indulging in our taste for romance, drama, and intrigue.   If our imperfect heroines are often older than the average chick-lit character, and as likely to be bogged down with marriage,  troublesome husbands and child-rearing as fretting over that perfect pair of designer shoes, we are still immensely proud to be considered part of the same genre that includes such talented writers as Marian Keyes and Jane Green.

**Contact Ellie Campbell:

Email: chicklitsisters@gmail.com   Chicklit Sisters   Facebook   Twitter

**Come back tomorrow to read an interview with Ellie Campbell!

Filed Under: Looking for La La Tagged With: Book feature, Books, Ellie Campbell, Looking for La La

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